Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I can multitask like a mother

There are days when I feel like if I have to do one more thing, I am going to lock myself in a closet and drown myself in a bottle of Jack Daniels. But, there are also days where I feel like if I manage to accomplish just one more thing, I will actually become She-Ra. Because I can multitask like a mother.

Funny Baby Ecard: You're so busy? Bitch, please. Talk to<br />me once you have<br />kids.

Before I had kids, the mere thought of working out, getting my hair cut and buying an outfit for a party, all in one day, would make me a little anxious. Now? Carry a toddler, my purse, diaper bag, infant seat and unlock the car? Done. Wrangle both children, hand over my insurance card, sign the co-pay receipt and wipe a yucky nose? No problem. Switch the TV to video, open the bag of Goldfish, refill the milk and start Yo Gabba Gabba, all while guarding my glass of chardonnay? I'm on it.

I get shit done because I have to. Because if I don't get the Drs appointments made, the groceries bought, the diapers changed, the bottles filled and the homework done, my kids are hungry, dirty and the kids who show up without something for Show and Tell. And that sucks. So I am on it. Like white on rice, or, better yet, like me on a box of wine.

Being a mom requires the multitasking skills of a Goddess. You can't just phone it in. You have to be live and available at all times. You need to know where your kid's shoes are, if their shot records are up to date, when their next dentist appointment is and what all of their current medications are. You have to know where their insurance cards are, be able to locate their favorite blankie at all times, know their friends' names and know when their school play is.

Parenting is a full-time job that requires constant overtime. Lazy and unorganized people need not apply. I think on my next resume, I am going to put, "Hire me because I can multitask like a mother." Because really, there is no topping that shit. Now where did all of the damn pacifiers disappear to?

26 comments:

  1. The first paragraph is so perfect (along with the rest, of course). Why is it that some days you just can't deal with one more thing, and other days it's like you can't get enough chores/errands/bullshit packed into it?

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    1. You got me. Today is a day where it all makes me want to run away screaming.

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  2. Directed here from Is this How Parenting works. Good stuff! Love it!

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  3. I love this post as well as you whole blog :) I also want to note the awesome ads at the bottom of the page showing a custom pint glass site right next to zulily. Lol!

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  4. Sometimes I wonder what men do with all that free time. I mean, they must have oodles of it given that we, the wives and mothers, bust our asses and do it all for them. And in half the time it would take them.

    It's hard to be this awesome.

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    1. My husband unclogs drains, fixes broken doors, does the laundry, changes the oil in the cars, makes shelves, paints rooms, etc. I don't let him off easy. He has to pay the toll too! Ha!

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    2. True. Lord knows the garden would never get planted or watered or harvested if it were up to me...

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    3. And what about the beer? People don't just get the runs on their own!

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    4. You made me laugh out loud at 5:45 am - not an easy feat. :)

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  5. YES! Multitasking like a mother is pretty much the most difficult job in the world-- which is why people need to back up off us if we forget a little something once in a blue moon.

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    1. Back up off me, bro. I'm multitasking like a mutha! Ha!

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  6. dear me, EVERY day I feel like I can't deal with just ONE MORE THING - and then The Hubs comes home and the number of people "needing" stuff increases by one. I swear I'm going to run away one day - who's with me???

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    1. ME! ME! As long as there is booze. If not, I'm out.

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  7. Anyone find that the multi tasking Mother skills don't translate very well to the "real" world of the office? I can do all the Mom stuff and be astounded that the Husband can't seem to understand the schedule that week.... but I will also book my boss on a flight home on the WRONG DAY! (I have actually done this.. twice! But I haven't been fired yet or switched to janitorial duty :) I feel like the moment that child started to multiply cells inside of me, my mind switched from "Independant, Capable Working Adult Female" to "Mom" and I haven't been able to switch it back yet. (Although I don't think I am really supposed to) Someone told me that being a Mother means that parts of your heart and soul are walking around outside of your body... I agree. But I am also adding that pieces of my brain are also now permantently occupied... always on "Mom" mode and when priorities are tested the "Mom" side always wins so everything else at work just... slips away! oops :)

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  8. Love!
    I need to take up wine drinking. I think I'd be a better mom if I had more chardonnay in my day.

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    Replies
    1. that sounds like a great slogan! Put some chardonnay in your day!

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