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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Advice under the Influence: Getting Your Toddler to Sleep

Welcome to the second episode of Advice Under the Influence: Getting Your Toddler to Sleep

Advice Under the Influence: Behind the Douche Canoe

So here's the scoop on this episode: I am a total Hollywood sellout. You know how people only get to the top in the film industry by jumping into bed with Hollywood big wigs? Well, I am sorry to break it to you, my friends, but I am no exception.

Why, you ask? Well…that man in bed with me around 20 seconds…is not ADD Daddy. It's actually my director/producer, Robbie. I know, I know. What a slutbag. Well, kind of...

You see, my house during filming was an absolute and total shitshow. Wires, lighting rigs, cameras, boom mics, production crew, etc. Oh, and two drunken midgets running around during it all.

Needless to say, someone had to corral those midgets while mama was making the magic happen and that someone was ADD Daddy. So while he was herding cats toddlers, me and Robbie hopped into the sack for a little alone time. On film. Surrounded by a room full of people. Yeah, it was like college all over again. Wait, never mind.

This all leads me to 1:14, where you again find Robbie in one of our familial beds. What the heck is up with this dude? He has a total Goldilocks complex.

Anyway. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Advice Under the Influence. If you want to ensure that I keep embarrassing myself on the internet, SHARE IT. With everyone you know. Everywhere. Facebook, Twitter, your uncle's gay porn site, your grandma's bingo newsletter. You get the idea. The more people who watch them, the more likely that the lovely people at ulive will order up another batch of my douche canoery. Thanks so much. I will send imaginary fountains full of wine, unicorns and chocolate to all who share.


The Beer Bitch

If you share this post, I will buy you a pony. I suck at Twitter. I am OK at Facebook. Pinterest is my bitch. I am also on Bloglovin' and Instagram.  


  1. My new favorite is to give them a sugar rush about an hour before bed time... Then wait out the crazy storm until things get silent. Usually my 2 year old passes out in the middle of the living room floor with toys still in n hand. It may not be a pc method but it works

  2. Bars on top!! I love it. I actually think that's not a bad idea. I mean, if they try to crawl over the rail, they might fall, but bars on top would prevent that from happening. Hmmm...

  3. I am starting to deal with this right now with my daughter. She looks exhausted so we put her to bed, and then the second her butt hits the crib she starts rolling and singing. She's also started to advance to starting at the camera monitor and laughing maniacally at it, as if she knows we are watching her and cursing her lack of sleep effort. It's good to see I'm not alone in this endeavor.

  4. They appear to be not to see you. Whenever you're once again at home, she needs to invest quite a bit of her energy truly connected to your better half. It appears to be that since she showed up, portable bassinet on wheels

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I love hearing from you. It reinforces that writing this blog is not just a silly waste of my brain matter. If you leave a douche canoe comment, I will delete it. I am powerful like that.

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