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Wednesday, November 13, 2013

You might be a parent if...

  • You consider macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets a food group.
  • The "Five second" rule has turned into "Meh, it doesn't have any hair stuck to it" rule.
  • Having an audience every time you use the bathroom no longer phases you.
  • The floor of your car could double as a Cheerio/toy skill crane machine.
  • You purchase wine by the box because a bottle just isn't enough anymore.
  • You haven't had an uninterrupted conversation with an adult in over a year.
  • Mopping up all the water after bath time now counts as cleaning the bathroom.
  • You constantly have the theme song from an annoying kids show in your head (Die, Caillou. Die.).
  • You now count the seconds until another human being's nap and bed time.
  • Being covered in another person's pee, poop or puke no longer elicits a reaction from you.
  • If you have anything baby-shaped in your arms, you instinctively rock it..
  • You now consider a decent night's sleep anything over five hours.
  • An appropriate outfit is now anything that hasn't recently been spit up on.
  • Cool car features went from having heated leather seats to having a built in DVD player in the back.
  • You find yourself watching kids shows even when there are no children.
  • You get excited when someone other than yourself poops in the potty.
  • You know why the word "why" is so annoying.
  • You understand why sometimes animals in the wild eat their young.

If you share this post, I will buy you a pony. I suck at Twitter. I am OK at Facebook. Pinterest is my bitch. I am also on Bloglovin' and Instagram.
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