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Monday, August 22, 2011

10 Signs You Shouldn't Have Sex During Pregnancy


I recently got a Pregnancy Bulletin email from BabyCenter titled, "10 signs you shouldn't have sex during pregnancy‏". I figured these were the 10 signs:
  1. You're pregnant, which is the result of sex, and you don't want to get any more pregnant.
  2. Your idea of hitting the sheets involves 14 body pillows, a sleep mask, a fan and ear plugs.
  3. You have gas so bad that you make the entire country of Mexico cringe.
  4. You can no longer see the hedges in order to trim them, and who wants to venture into uncharted territory, anyway?
  5. The mere sight of the bastard that got you into this whole mess makes you want to punch a kitten.
  6. Your idea of foreplay is ordering cheese sticks before the pizza comes.
  7. The Dr. told you not to lay on your back after the first trimester, and there is no way this cowgirl is saddling up.
  8. One tiny penis inside of you is enough, who needs another?
  9. Your idea of putting on "something sexy" is listening to Barry White while eating an Oreo Blizzard on the couch in your PJs.
  10. You're awake.

If you share this post, I will buy you a pony. I suck at Twitter. I am OK at Facebook. Pinterest is my bitch. I am also on Bloglovin' and Instagram. 

26 comments:

  1. julie feddersonAugust 22, 2011 at 10:45 AM

    OMIGOD! Hysterical. Thanks for the Monday funny.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lemon DropsAugust 25, 2011 at 12:33 PM

    My personal favorite is #5. I'm sharing this with friends! Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  3. LayLadyLayAugust 25, 2011 at 1:42 PM

    Thanks, Lemon Drops. I was getting sad no one had commented on the kitten punching yet.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Holly-- The Storm ChaserAugust 26, 2011 at 12:29 AM

    LOVE this. I think I will print these out and stick it on the pamplet shelf at my OBGYN's. You ROCK, sister.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousDecember 5, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    HILARIOUS! Loved it! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Blondie McBaffledJanuary 26, 2012 at 1:19 PM

    Bravo. Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AshMay 29, 2012 at 8:57 PM

    Lmao. I read this to my husband and the looks he gave me were almost as hilarious as this! =)) Thanks for the laugh!

    (By the way, the pillow thing is SO me right now... 30 weeks Friday, and holy crap. lol.)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Stephanie SprengerNovember 28, 2012 at 12:24 PM

    Brilliant. Blizzards, ah yes. I consumed approximately 800 during my pregnancy. Love that picture!

    ReplyDelete
  9. MeredithDecember 1, 2012 at 6:50 AM

    This is awesome and exactly what I would expect from Baby Center ;) I am sharing this on twitter via #findingthefunny--so glad you linked this one up!
    Meredith
    www.themomoftheyear.net

    ReplyDelete
  10. SaraDecember 1, 2012 at 7:29 AM

    Mmmnh Oreo blizzard sounds delish. Next time Hubby tries to get frisky i am just going to give him this list. Love

    ReplyDelete
  11. laugh-lines.netDecember 2, 2012 at 4:53 PM

    Hilarious!! Thanks for that!

    ReplyDelete
  12. MichelleJanuary 30, 2013 at 9:10 AM

    bahahahah!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. A Little Bit SassyMarch 6, 2013 at 3:27 PM

    That is hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Penny RoachMarch 7, 2013 at 4:32 PM

    So funny. Loved #6. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Molley MillsMay 13, 2013 at 11:39 AM

    I'm gonna have to say #5 is my favourite but they all work....The cowgirl one also made me choke on my coffee a little.
    Thanks for hooking up at the Hump Day Hook Up

    ReplyDelete
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I love hearing from you. It reinforces that writing this blog is not just a silly waste of my brain matter. If you leave a douche canoe comment, I will delete it. I am powerful like that.

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