Your house is about to look like an F5 tornado hit it at all times. So register for a maid service. That way you won't have to bend over to clean the spilled breast milk off the floor, straining your episiotomy stitches. You're welcome.
Even great health insurance doesn't usually cover them in full, so have your friends hook you up with some happy pills before your bouncing bundle of joy even arrives. You will thank me later (even if you don't end up needing them. just having them near might have a placebo effect).
Because you are going to need something to wash those antidepressants and nights of endless crying (both yours and the baby's) down with, aren't you? Register for the box. It is easier to pour yourself a glass straight from the tap. Trust me, it is just impossible to uncork a bottle while holding the baby.
Soon the thought of spending just one more second with your amazing little baby is going to make you want to punch a kitten. You are going to need to take a step back so you can move forward as the awesome mom you are. So have a "break in case of emergency" sitter on tap. That someone else has already paid for. So you don't have to feel like shit staying out for just one. more. beer.
Trips to Get Away
Somewhat related to the above, but for more than just a few hours. Because when you have a chance to get away for a while and actually miss your baby, you will be a better mommy. And since you won't have to use your
New Clothes for Mama
Your baby is going to be rocking the latest trends of' life. You, on the other hand, are still going to be sporting your maternity yoga pants for the next 12 years. But if your friends are nice enough to pony up cash for some new duds for mama instead of a pair of baby Uggs, you might actually be able to go out in public and not feel shame about your stained college t-shirt.
Weight Watchers Membership
Let's face it: the baby weight isn't going to lose itself. And a lettuce-only diet is only cool if you are a rabbit. So having your Weight Watchers membership ready and rearing when you are ready to put down the congratulatory cake will be kick ass.
Because mama needs to get her cardio on just as much as baby needs to get its diaper changed. Be sure to pick one with childcare so you can go even if you are shackled to your kiddo 24-7, 365. Mom's just working on her fitness. Baby's her witness.
There are a lot of places that make meals for you. They are godsends. Meals made ahead will come in handy when your kid and husband are screaming at you for food and you haven't had time to take a shower or go to the bathroom all day, let alone through put some Shake in that Bake.
Whether you need it right after pushing your little pumpkin out, or are lucky enough to wait until the toddler years when you will never are able to go to the loo alone, you will need it. Trust me. Because, let's face it: kids are a pain in the ass that will cause you a pain in the ass.
Because motherfuck do you not want to pull a Tori or a Jessica and get pregnant again right away. Whatever your method of choice, have your friends hook you up and have it on the ready once you pop that baby out.
What about you, mamas? What would you add to this list?