Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The 10 Commandments of Mommying

Thou shalt honor no other mommies before thine self (even Gwyneth has her issues).

Funny Encouragement Ecard: Fuck you, Gwyneth.

Thou shalt only give in to wine. Never give in to the whine.

Thou shalt not beat thine self up over mommy meltdowns (we all lose our shit every now and then).

Thou shalt not worry about stretch marks and baby weight.

Funny Encouragement Ecard: Baby weight? Nope. This is just all the awesomeness I have put on since becoming a mom.

Thou shalt consider Goldfish a nutritional food group (they are both dairy and a starch, after all).

Thou shalt alloweth thine self a Mommy Mulligan when needed.

Thou shalt alloweth thine self a time out when needed (even God took a day to rest).

Funny Encouragement Ecard: And on the 8th day God invented boxed wine.

Thou shalt use the answer "Because I said so" at will, especially after the 13th utterance of the word "why".

Thou shall covet one of the Ryans (Gosling, Reynolds, Phillippe, you choose).

Thou shalt remember that you are the best (and only) damned mommy your kids got.

25 comments:

  1. I got all this extra awesome on my body because my almost three year old will only eat "my" food, and then only eats two bites and I get the rest. I can live with that.

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  2. Love this! Especially the last one...

    And frozen meatballs are also considered a food group in our house... wigglers like their protein. :)

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  3. I might have to print this and put it on the fridge.

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  4. wonderful! thanks! no matter how "emotionally okay" I am with the choices I make as a mom, I can always use a helpful reminder like this!

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  5. Haha I love this!
    Especially the part about the Ryans. I love me some Ryans.

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  6. Right On. Family life would not be "normal" without the occasional "mommy meltdown"!

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  7. Love this! but I will not pick a Ryan, they're all wonderful and I need variety.

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    Replies
    1. True. Very true. Even that douche canoe Phillippe has his place.

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  8. Can I please, pretty pretty please with a cherry on top covet ALL the Ryans??!! ;)

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    Replies
    1. Yes, but only two at one time. Three is just overwhelming.

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  9. This would make a great cross stitch project to give to new mommies. But, since I'm too busy blogging and don't know any new mommmies, I'll settle for printing it out and taping it to the fridge so when I screw up (for the hundredth time in a day), I can point to it and say, "I got rules!"

    Loved it! :)

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    Replies
    1. OMG this would be the best cross stitch ever. i want a dirty cross stitch!

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  10. Ha! Love this site! We have primary custody so I am a full time step mommy right now and hope to be a mom to be here soon and I just love reading what you have to offer. So thank you!

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I love hearing from you. It reinforces that writing this blog is not just a silly waste of my brain matter. If you leave a douche canoe comment, I will delete it. I am powerful like that.

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