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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Confessional

I have been known to have gas that can clear a room. In college, I farted in the car and my roommate had to hang her head out of the window while dry-heaving. When I found out I was pregnant the first time, we were on a cabin trip with friends. My gas was so bad that they actually exiled me to the outdoors and wouldn't allowed to eat with them. Is it wrong that I am proud of these events?

The Confessional is now open. Have something you need to repent for? Feel free to send me your sin and I will help your purge your demons.

Sins from fellow Boozehounds:

Every year the mortgage company sends us our overage check from the escrow account, and I deposit it in my account without telling my husband.  I don't think he even knows there IS an overage, even though the property taxes continue to fall.

ILBAB says: I have done the same thing. Any year that I don't get a secret check full of free money, I am very disappointed.

My three week old son is not circumcised, which might later set him apart from his buddies, but...his penis is HUGE. And I am secretly thrilled. Call me shallow and whack, but it seems that if you have a big penis, all other flaws can be overlooked. Is that kinda like being blond? Or having big boobs? If so, my kid has it made.

ILBAB says: Big penis on a little peanut. Very funny.

When I was in 8th grade (nearly 25 years ago), I broke both my arms at the same time while babysitting. To this day, my mother and the kid's mother still believe that I broke my arms by tripping over a coffee table. Truth is, the kid and I pushed all the furniture together and were jumping from piece to piece. I landed off balance on the coffee table, and it slipped out from under me and landed on top of me. Bottom line: Don't trust me with children! (I'm a mom of two.)

ILBAB says: Bottom line: you sound like a kick-ass babysitter! What are you doing on Saturday?


  1. yeah, so the advertisement at the top of the page currently says "having trouble staying sober? turn to alcohol monitoring" for some reason I found that hilarious....

    1. Ha! You know how after a while Amazon gets to know your tastes ans starts making recommendations to you? Well, based on just what I read, Amazon started suggesting 12 steps books for me. Seriously.


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