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Thursday, April 5, 2012

Baby Basics Part Two: Coming Home

When you first bring your baby home from the hospital, they will have their days and nights switched. This sucks. They will sleep all day and be up all night. The reason is, you have been rocking them to sleep all day by walking around. Then at night, when all is calm and mama is sleeping, they have been waking up to party. To reverse this, let them sleep as long as they can through the night without waking, only feeding them when they wake. I promise they won't starve to death, no matter what everyone tells you. During the day, wake them to eat. This will take A LOT of work because when babies are asleep it is almost impossible to wake them, but do it each time you have your feedings scheduled. Even if they are only up for one minute each time, it will start to change their internal clocks.

Babies go though these things called growth spurts. All it basically means is that every once in a while your baby will turn into a food-hungry psycho that wants to do nothing but eat and sleep. Feed them and let them sleep. It doesn't last long, but it makes you feel like a crazy person when you don't know what is happening. They typically happen around these times: 7 days, 10 days, 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months and 9 months. They last anywhere from a day to a week. Don't worry, after they are over, they will get back to their regular schedule (or lack thereof).

Never tiptoe around when the baby is sleeping, even in the beginning. The more you do that, the more the baby will get used to sleeping in complete silence and wake to every noise. Be normal when the baby is sleeping: watch TV, play music, vacuum, empty the dishwasher, etc. If you start this way, your baby will sleep through ANYTHING. Our kids could sleep through a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerine plant.

About a week after you give birth, you will have an overwhelming surge of emotions. It isn't happy or sad, exactly, it is just freaking intense. You will cry for about a day or two straight for no reason at all and then be fine. Just know that everyone does this and that it will go away.

If you can stomach it, have your baby sleep in their crib in their room from day one. You will get little sleep and wake up to every peep if they are right by your side. Plus, sleeping on their own develops good sleeping habits. We had a video monitor and turned the sound all the way down. When they are awake enough to actually need you, you will hear them if your room is close enough to theirs.

Remember that the habits you set in the beginning will continue for as long as you let them. Rocking a tiny baby to sleep for every nap is sweet. Rocking a 1-year-old to sleep for every nap is not.

A good thing to know is that most new things you are trying to train your baby to do, from sleeping through the night to going throughout the day without a paci, only take about three days to accomplish. The first day will suck with lots of crying on both of your part, the second day a lot less crying all around, the third day barely any crying and the fourth day everything will just run like clockwork. This is extremely important to know and remember. Sometimes you will be ready to break and go back to bad routines at the first cry on the second day because you are exhausted and feel like a shitty parent. Don't. You can do it. Three days of hell is worth a lifetime of the good habit you are trying to set. Hang in there, mommy!

Even when your baby is sleep trained, they will often start waking in the middle of the night for no reason. Don't worry. This will only last a week or so and go away on its own. It can be caused by teething, a growth spurt, sickness, learning to do something new, etc. Just say, this too shall pass and take a shot of vodka.

15 comments:

  1. I am expecting baby #1 and really enjoyed this. Question for you (since you've been through it):
    I have so many friends and family members who had a bassonet right by their bed. I never understood that. I don't see the purpose. What is the purpose? I understand the first few nights that I will be paranoid about the baby dying in their sleep - but I do agree that they need to be in their own room. How did you manage? I can't stand to see a toddler still wanting to sleep with their parents or in the same room. I don't think my parents ever had me anywhere but my own room and I turned out fine.
    Thanks!

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    1. I don't know why they do it either, Erin. But to each their own. A lot of people say it is easier if you breastfeed so you don't have to get up, but I did formula.

      We put TQC to sleep in her own room right off the bat. TCC spent some time in the living room until he slept well enough to share a room with his sister.

      Good luck!

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    2. If the baby sleeps in your room not only will you be a sleep deprived mess but so will your husband. To each their own though. My kiddo never slept in our room, she didn't die, and now her sleep habits are the best thing about her. Sure, I might have spent a couple (a hundred) hours sleeping in our glider (a must have if you are going to do separate rooms) or on the floor of the baby's room, but then I knew my husband was getting some good sleep so he could cope later with the baby when I was losing my mind, Then we would swap who's turn it would be.

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    3. I am due with #1 early June. At the hospital orientation, they had a segment on SIDS, and apparently out of their 20 something recommendations, one is to have baby sleep in the room with the parent, but not co-sleep. In a bassinet of sort. I don't get this either. They say no blankets, bumpers in the crib which is WAY bigger then some cuddly bassinet that has bumpers and to me so much smaller that it could be a hazard.

      I plan on going straight to crib, our rooms are not far away and I agree, a baby in the room will make me crazy! My husband said we should try it in the room, I say he can sleep on the floor in her room we just prepared for her!

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  2. I love all this advice -- but I would add one VERY important caveat for all new Moms... it is the single most important lesson to learn, so listen up! TRUST YOUR OWN INSTINCTS!

    I am a "knowledge person" - I read, I consult, I research and I gather info - its how I am made. So I asked, read, consulted and researched everything about my baby. I do not think this is a bad thing... but I eventually had to come to the conclusion that she was MY baby and I was HER Mommy and we were not like any other family in the world... so I valued the info I gathered but I/we made our decisions on what was right for US... and trust me you will absolutely know when you've reached the "right" thing. Listen to advice but keep that grain of salt handy and apply when its needed :)

    Also - the point above: don't be too quiet around baby when sleeping... I was told that when they are in-utero your heart beat and breathing and voice are so magnified that the kid hears it all as if a car were being driven around in there with them. They are used to noise and they seem to like it - especially noises associated with you! Studies are finding that super quiet environments, especially at first, freak the baby out because they feel alone in the absence of sound. I was always loud when our daughter was sleeping and this week my 15 month old slept through roofers - who were so loud that pictures were actually falling off my walls!

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    1. Thanks, Katie. I kind of cover that in part one and totally agree. I also researched like crazy then just went with my gut.

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  3. I love this post - I am so this mom. Too bad you don't live across the street from me! I'm all about crying for a day or two to have peace from certain things after. My kids were all over their night feedings by about 6 or 7 months. A few nights of crying, and then everyone got to sleep. It was bliss. I can't imagine feeding your kid in the night until they're 2 because you can't bear to hear them cry. Ugh. Let them cry a little! I'm also big on not using a monitor. There were so many times a baby would wake up and whine and moan for a few minutes only to fall back asleep. Had I raced across the hall and fed them each time we'd have been feeding a lot more and a lot longer at night. I need sleep!! I agree, when they're serious about it they'll cry loud enough to wake you. I even shut doors so I wouldn't hear the beginning moaning. Plus, if you let them get a little angry they wake up a little more and nurse far more efficiently.

    I did the day/night training too - especially after my first baby. I'd wake my babies every couple of hours or so and feed them as much as I could. At night, again I'd wait until they were good and ready for feeding. it's bliss.

    Sigh. As I said, I could have written this post!

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    1. Girl, I even wear earplugs at night!

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    2. That's awesome! There was a while with the fourth baby that I let her sleep in a pack & play in the kitchen just to get her a little further away. And I shut my bedroom door.

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  4. I love these posts. Even though I strongly beg to differ about the sleep thing, I think you give some good reinforcement for those who need it.

    (We kept our son in our room for 9 months. Everyone slept just fine. There is some research out there stating that babies who sleep in the same room as their parents breathe in the same rhythms as their parents, reducing the possibility of SIDS. I held my son in my arms every night until he fell asleep. At some point, HE was ready to fall asleep next to me, not in my arms. Now, at 17 months, I still sit with him while he falls asleep. It's possibly my most favorite 10-20 minutes a day. I know our method isn't for everyone. Heck, it probably isn't for most people. But, I urge new parents to follow their gut regarding what works. Every baby needs and every parent expects something different.)

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  5. One thing I'd like to add is ... if your baby can hold up his own head relatively well (I gave birth to a bigger baby, so he was holding his head up and rolling over at 1 week old) and all babies sleep better on tummies, to just let the baby sleep how they want. We all slept on our tummies and turned out fine. Thing is, don't let other moms bully you into doing something that isnt working. I don't recommend blankies, a onesie is plenty enough to keep the little tyke warm enough.

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  6. Thank you for all of this info... I'm about three months away from giving birth to my first, and this makes me think that I might survive the early days.

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  7. I love all this info! I replied on earlier thread about sleeping in the room. I am due with #1 in early June, I am 36 so being late to the game, we have seen our friends make all of these mistakes! Hopefully our #1 (and us parents) will have the ease like many #3 babies have! (I hope)

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    1. Jennifer, you will do awesome no matter what advice (or none) that you follow. In my experience, #1 has it so much better than the second, anyway, so your kid will have it super awesome! The second one kind of gets the leftovers of what is left of your sanity, which is very little.

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  8. When I was pregnant, every time I dried my hair, I'd hold the blow dryer near my belly for a minute so he'd get used to the sound and not be afraid of it once he was born, LOL.

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