Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Fear the Crazy

Though my kids often drive me to drink (OK, let's be honest, I would drink either way), they are some pretty damned good kids. They share, take turns, don't throw an epic amount of falling-on-the-floor fits, don't have a lot of public meltdowns and don't hit or bite other heathens children. Overall, they rock. I know most of this is because they are just freaks of nature, but at least a little of it has to do with what me and ADD Daddy have done.

I think I have figured out why my kids mind like hypnotized monkeys. It is because they fear the crazy. Now, don't misunderstand me. I am not saying that my kids are good because they fear me. My kids think I am birthday cake with a side of awesomesauce. I am just saying that my kids are good because they sense the crazy behind my eyes the third time I say to not do something and my eye gets a little twitchy. They know mama has a bit of a crazy side and know it is easier just to put the dog turd down than to deal with the mess that is mad mama. It's a win-win, really.

Sure, they push boundaries and act crazy just like normal, smart kids do. But they don't act like fools while I ask them not to hit the cat over and over again in my sweetest mommy voice. I don't really have a sweet mommy voice. I work full-time, have to clean up after myself and others, pay bills, deal with health insurance, etc. I am a mom. Not Mary Poppins. And, FYI, Mary was getting PAID to act all nice like that. She probably went home and was a horrible alcoholic who tortured innocent animals for sport. Just sayin'.

Funny Baby Ecard: Mommy developed this eye twitch after you learned the word 'why'.

My point? Good god, I don't know. I lost that a long time ago, along with my waistline. But I think my point is that a little bit of crazy goes a long way. You don't have to be saccharinely sweet to your kids 24-7 to be a good mom. Sometimes they need to know that you are also the boss, applesauce. A boss with a taste for pinot noir and a tiny bit of cray cray.

Remember: your are a mom, not Mother Theresa. And, besides, that bitch was only that nice because she didn't have any kids of her own (Just kidding. Love you TT, you so worldly.). If she did have kids, she would have put The Fear of God in them for sure. I am doing the same thing, only mine is The Fear of Mommy's Crazy. Now stop pulling your sister's hair before I lose my shit! *twitch twitch*

15 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Never put a time limit on having a beer. Ever.

      Delete
    2. You ladies know they make Breakfast Stout, right? Now come on, why would they have named it that if you weren't supposed to drink it at 6 a.m.? It's 8.3%, too. Win.

      http://foundersbrewing.com/our-beer/breakfast-stout/?av-submitted=true

      Delete
    3. And that is why they make holidays, like Mardi gras and Wednesday.

      Delete
  2. I find this very reassuring. As someone with a healthy dose of cray cray dwelling within, and also a baby dwelling within, it's good to know that it might play out in my favor. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think moms just need to be reminded that it is OK not to be all puppy dogs and rainbows all the time. Your kids also need to know that you are in charge and that they can't walk all over you. The Cray helps with that immensely.

      Delete
  3. I have believed that this is the case with my kids, too, for years. They know. They see it seep into my eyes. They have seen it unleashed. THEY KNOW. Do NOT fuck around with mom.

    That bitch is nuts.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My kid knows mom is crazy she learned by seeing mommy go nutzo on daddy for breathing to loud during this pregnancy...If you aren't housing a human within your womb you better be silent while breathing around here!! #super crazy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed. My husband's snoring during pregnancy made me Nita Drinkbad.

      Delete

I love hearing from you. It reinforces that writing this blog is not just a silly waste of my brain matter. If you leave a douche canoe comment, I will delete it. I am powerful like that.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...