Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Dear single, stay at home and military mamas

Dearest single, SAH and military mamas,

You are the mother fucking shit. I bow down to the greatness that is you. What you mamas do on a daily basis is amazing and deserves some sort of congressional medal of honor. I have just spent five days as the sole caretaker of my youngins and it made me want to buy you a beer, or a puppy, or a midget, or whatever would make you the most happy. You deserve it. And then some. And then some more after that. You are goddesses.

After five long days trapped in the house alone with my two kids, I was about ready to commit harakiri. I hadn't showered properly in days because every time I tried, one of the nuggets would need me. I hadn't eaten a full meal because whenever it is my turn to eat, the excellent game of "What are you eating, mama? Can I have some?" started. I hadn't taken a descent poop in five days because god forbid mommy EVER be alone in the bathroom.

I was covered in the urine of two different children at two different times. I had an hour where they both cried simultaneously for seemingly no reason. They fought. They trashed the house. They basically went ape shit. And I was left standing in the rubble, ready to cry every night after bedtime. It was a disaster. I lost my temper, along with my mind, halfway through the third day. I felt like a turd of a mom. It is probably a good thing that we can't afford for me to stay at home, because I would end up in the loony bin. It would only take about a week.

Me after ADD Daddy returned home
And all I could think all weekend is that there are moms out there that do this for a living (without pay) and how awesome that is. How strong they must be and how much their kids must gain from having such an amazing mom.

I also thought about the mommies that were out there going this whole parenthood road alone and there are just. no. fucking. words. for how awesome you ladies are. I mean, really. Wow.

And don't even get me started about the puppy dogs and rainbows that are military mamas. Many of you are, in essence, both SAH AND single moms. And you can't even break off a piece of action on the side because your baby daddy is off fighting for our freedom. DAMN! You get a midget AND a puppy. And some of you mamas are the ones off fighting for your country while your babies are back at home. Damn, ladies. Mad kudos.

I think the world often casts a negative light upon single, SAH and military mamas and for that, I want to punch the world in the vagina. Because you are doing a job that is a million times harder than any job on the planet. Obama, Bill Gates and the entire cast of The Deadliest Catch have nothing on you ladies. You are rockstars. And I love you. Rock on, mamas. Rock on.

64 comments:

  1. Thanks for saying it. I have been on the job for almost 12 years. Hardest damn job I have ever had.(best one too)

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  2. Standing ovation for the single and stay at home parents!

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    1. I think we should all go in and buy them a one-night stand with the Ryan of their choice (Phillippe, Gosling, Reynolds, etc.).

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  3. I got just a wee bit teary eyed! Blame it on the three little tornadoes zooming around me at 100 mph 24 hours a day. I've been SAHM'ing for 5 years, with a husband in the military who deploys periodically. It is less than fun at times, for sure, but it is worth it (or so people keep telling me ha.) Thank you for the recognition...now share that giant margarita!!

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    1. Linz, you get to choose your Ryan! See above! And god mother fucking bless you!

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    2. that's supposed to be a heart, but if you read it as "I'll take all 3"...well...that's ok too. ;)

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    3. So who will it be? We can't afford a foursome!

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    4. I think I'd have to go Reynolds. He's so stinking cute!

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    5. He is my second. Gosling first and Phillippe is just a douche canoe, so he is last.

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    6. I just fell out my chair @ douche canoe!! ROTF....literally!!

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  4. I'd be in the looney bin right next to you & I only have 1 kid! Kudos and much applause to those mamas, I bow to you!

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    Replies
    1. We can get matching BFF strait jackets! And bedazzle them!

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  5. Single parents deserve some sort of medal EVERY SINGLE DAY. I really don't know how they do it!

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  6. My husband goes away for business for like three days, once a year, and I can barely handle it. I don't know how the hell single moms get by on NO breaks, ever.

    Also, 1000 points for not spelling it "hari kari" or friggin "harry carry" like most people do.

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  7. Thanks for saying this! I've been a SAHM for 5 years. There are so many days I think it would be so much easier to just go to work & let someone else deal but I cannot because then I would miss too much. I will return to work next fall when my youngest starts kindergarden. I both look forward to & dread it at the same time.

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    1. And your girls are so lucky because of it, Leah!

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  8. I'm unintentionally a stay-at-home mom and I mostly can't stand it (we moved 3 months after my daughter was born, and now she's 18 months old and I still haven't landed a job in this crap-ass place we moved to)...for every reason you listed - I like showers and eating and pooping in peace. I lose my temper on a regular basis and it definitely makes me feel like a turd of a mom. You could not have said it all better!

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  9. I was a full-time SAHM for 6 years. Now, I'm going on my third year as a single mom of two beautiful girls. I work two jobs outside of our home and volunteer at our local public school once a week. On our very hectic mornings, my daughters will sometime try to lay a guilt trip on me by saying, "We liked it better then you were at home with us all the time." Ugh. I really want to reply, "No shit." but instead, I smile and say, "This is our new reality, and we're gonna just have to make the best of it." Thank you. One day I'm sure they'll see I did all I could.

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  10. And now you know why I am MOTHER FUCKING CRAZY. Now you know why I started writing. Staying at home with them has not been easy on me, and then I feel all guilty for that because I know there are moms out there who work and would love nothing more than to be able to stay at home. And then I secretly think to myself that they really have no idea what they're wishing for, unless all the kids are in school or something. Then, YEAH, staying at home would be AWESOME!

    Granted I am not a single mom and thank God for that because I know I couldn't do it. I've always said that if Nate and I ever split, he would have zero, ZERO, trouble getting joint custody from me because no way in hell would I be able to take on all three by myself most of the time. If he dies any time soon, I have made sure we have enough life insurance on him so I can hire a live-in nanny RIGHT AWAY.

    By Sunday, the end of his work week, I am a fucking mess. Actually, by Saturday night, when he's at work, I am usually on the verge of complete insanity, and the only thing that helps me hang on is knowing that Sunday is almost here and then he's off for a few days. This cycle repeats itself every week. It's a lot of fun.

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    1. Girl, we both know you would be crazy with or without kids, just like me.

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    2. Well, pfft, yeah! Holy comments! :-D Good job!

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  11. I think this made me orgasm. Thank you. Staying at home with my two nutwagons (one with issues) has kicked my ass, but I'm kicking it's ass back, or so I hope. I am working harder at this than anything I ever have before and hoping to God that it doesn't result in too much therapy needd on my children's part.

    And those single mamas and military mamas? THEY are truly the bomb.

    Fuck it- ALL MOMS WHO GET THEIR KIDS FROM ONE DAY TO THE NEXT ARE AWESOME- MARRIED, SINGLE, GAY, STRAIGHT, CHRISTIAN, MUSLIM, BUDDHIST, BLACK, WHITE OR PINK- WE ARE LITERALLY FORMING THE WORLD OF TOMORROW AND ROCKIN' IT!

    //end rant.

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  12. After yesterday and so far today I'll take two of whatever you're drinking in that picture.

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    1. When they offer you four sizes of margarita, always take the biggest!

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  13. I am so thankful that my husband works second shift and will get out of bed in the morning so I can sleep in, knowing that I have a hectic night after he leaves for work. The kid starts getting cranky at 5, and will cry for about 2 hours straight.... EVERY DAMN DAY. No wonder I am on Paxil and Xanax. I have thought many times whether or not I would survive the fall from a third story balcony... but then I have to get my shit together and pull whatever inedible thing out of my child's mouth that he has placed in there. Motherhood. Full of dreams.

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    1. Oh god, Christie. The crying time is THE WORST! Hopefully it will pass soon. And good for you for getting help!

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  14. Thank you! I'm a SAHM of two and regularly "play" single parent as a favor to Uncle Sam. Many days I think we will not make it to bedtime without a mommy meltdown. Some days we don't. I was a working mom for a while and know that is no joke, either. It's just a different flavor of crazy.

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    1. Military moms are their own brand of awesome.

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  15. dear lord .. i don't have kids and posts like this one (and I'm seeing a lot of them lately!) scare the ever loving shit out of me. talk about a birth control post. eesh. I know kids are wonderful, usually, but .. i know this makes me sound like a heinous bitch but being an aunt-for-life sounds really good. good lord. do you hate me?

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    1. Totally understandable. You would only be a heinous bitch for calling us bad moms for saying we feel this way sometimes. Ha! Adding a second to the mix was birth control FOR LIFE for me. My. God.

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  16. I totally agree. I could not do it day in and day out with no hope of relief. Love my kid, but I do like to hand her off for a few hours a day so I can come to work and have some quiet time.

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    1. If only we could work a bit less and be with them a bit more. There is just no balance nowadays!

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  17. This is frickin AWESOMEFABUTACULAR! being a sahmm (stay at home military mama) is definitely the hardest shizz ever,there's no job that compares to it but Despite the days I want to drink vodka until it poor out my ears...I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you for this! :0)

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    1. Now that is just a waste of good liquor, Anita.

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  18. Replies
    1. I meant I recycle lol vodka makes an awesome floor cleaner lol my child hit enter (-_-)

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  19. Oh.my.lawd. Just found your blog and this is hysterical! I am a SAHM to a 2yr old - poop throwing - tantrum loving - potty training little girl. It is the hardest job. ever. and some days I totally want to "quit". Everyone keeps saying that this is just a "season" and that I'll miss these days. {liars} Thanks for keeping it real and making me nearly wet my britches with my own urine.

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    1. Peed pants are my highest form of compliment, so thanks!

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  20. Of course, we can all agree that single parents are saints. I seriously don’t know how they do it. And I definitely could not be a SAHM. If that was ever in doubt, spending 10 days trapped with a one year old in a small DC apartment during Snowpacolypse/Snowmageddon of 2009-10 sealed the deal. And I truly respect the hard work that SAHMs (and SAHDs) do every day. That being said, I am here to stick up for the also hardworking parents who work outside the home.

    Those of us who work outside the home are fantastic parents, too. We have to maintain a constantly shifting balance between our home lives and our professional lives, which is an incredibly difficult dance. The work has to be meaningful enough to be worth leaving your children in the care of someone else yet you have to constantly disengage from work to prioritize time with your spouse and kid(s). We force ourselves to look reasonably presentable and to seem at least halfway intelligent in business situations on weekday mornings when we may have had no sleep the night before. We agonize over child care options that seem to be constantly shifting, narrowing and becoming more expensive. We have to save those precious sick and vacation days in the hopes of being able to care for an ill child, take care of family errands and appointments, attend school events, have time with extended family and, if we are lucky, maybe even squeak out a vacation that might allow us a little leisure time. We chase the impossible dream of cleaning the whole house, running all the errands, spending quality time with our spouses and kid(s), and helping with the science project all in the span of a two day weekend. We survive a soul crushing day at the office and try to greet our kid(s) with smiles and interested questions when we’d rather sit under a blanket with a full bottle of wine.

    So yeah, the SAHMs and SAHDs really rock. Congrats to them. Being able to go to the bathroom by myself was one of the things I treasured most following my maternity leave. But those moms AND dads who work full-time outside the home also work hard, struggle and love their children more than life. Not better, just different.

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    1. I am a full-time, out-of-the-house working mom too, so I know it blows ass. This wasn't saying one was harder than the other. Just that I got to see the other side of the coin and this also blows.

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    1. The good new is that they get older. Ages 5-11 are freaking awesome.

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    2. Then they turn evil again and just when you think you are meeting eye to eye they decide you're an idiot.

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    3. A, I Am SO NOT LOOKING FORWARD to the teenage years. The Quiet Contemplator often gives me small glimpses of the attitude they will contain and mama ain't having it!

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    4. The best news is that you get to kick them out (send them to college) or something of that sort. I have 5 months left of homeschooling, and then, the last one is outta here!

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    5. I both dread and eagerly await those days.

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  22. Love this! I often think how I could not do this w/o the hubs. And even though I wish I was a SAHM every T-F when I miss my rugrat sooo much, I'm happy Monday morning to head to work.

    those ladies are rockstars!

    where's the share buttons?

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    1. Agree totally.

      If you want to share, I have a button you can use on the left side of this page.

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  23. Aww. *sniff*

    I have to poop with my kids running in and out of the bathroom. They cry to be let in, and then when I let them in they go back out. Rude.

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    1. pretty much my issue with it too. i am fine if you come in, just keep the DAMNED DOOR CLOSED!

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  24. OMG I love this more than words can explain! I have lived 2 1/2 years as a 'single mom' while my husband has been deployed and living on the ship. Just me and two boys! Ohhhhhh you so got it spot on! I don't feel like 'the mother fucking shit' most of the time, i feel like i'm totally fucking things up. So its nice to see others appreciate what we do!

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  25. Thank you. But after being a single SAH mom for 7 years (to two kids now) I don't think I'd know what to do if someone walked in and said "Let me help, what can I do". I'd look at them as if they were crazy and seriously contemplate running as far and as fast as I can. I did my time.

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I love hearing from you. It reinforces that writing this blog is not just a silly waste of my brain matter. If you leave a douche canoe comment, I will delete it. I am powerful like that.

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