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Thursday, May 30, 2013

My Son is a Blatant Opportunist

Those of you that have been around a while know that I am a fan of drawing shitty stick figures now and then, as evidenced here and here. Well, I want to start sharing more of my real life here so I will be featuring my abhorrent scribbles from time to time to illustrate my stories. I apologize in advance for making your eyeballs bleed. They will hopefully bleed less as I figure everything out. Hopefully.


Today's tale is about how much of a fatty The Cool Cucumber is. That boy can eat. A lot. He could eat a grown lumberjack under the table. Then have dessert. Lately, his love for food has also led him into a life of crime. My son is now the petty larcenist of the dinner table.

The Cool Cucumber and The Quiet Contemplator both have set places at the dinner table (Child Protective Services frowns on you making them eat off the floor).

After dinner, they both get down from the table and we go do something wonderfully enriching and educational. Like watch Dancing with the Stars. The other night, I noticed that The Cool Cucumber had toddled away from the living room and back into the dining room. I snuck in behind him and found that he had climbed the dining table bench and bellied himself up to the table to finish his sister's dinner. I have been watching him the last few nights since and this is what I observed:

He surveys the table to see if there is any food left on The Quiet Contemplator's plate.

He then looks back to see if anyone is watching him.

Once he has established that the coast is clear, he climbs the bench to reach the plate.

 He then plants his butt down and inhales all of the food that is left.

I am oddly proud of his blatant opportunism. That's my boy.

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