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Wednesday, May 8, 2013

I am overwhelmed.

I can't handle one more thing right now. Not one.

The slightest weight added to my already heavy load will break me. Make me crumble into a heap of nothingness.

Being a working mom who is dealing with all of the other goodness that life throws at me on a daily basis has made me completely and utterly overwhelmed.

I can barely move right now. Barely function.

Even the smallest task feels like an insurmountable hurdle.

I want to run away from life and responsibility.

From hospital bills. And doctors appointments. And deadlines. And housework. And the red tape surrounding my brothers death.

I want to be the fun and light person I used to be.

I want to get over everything that has happened in the last year and let go of the sadness and the anger.

I want to be normal. Just for a day.

I want to have all of the hard work that I have done in the last year to stay healthy and present finally payoff.

I want to stop backtracking into depression every other week.

I want to be free of the darkness that surrounds me. I want to step into the light.

I want to get up and have just one good day.

A day where I don't feel like I am going to drop from exhaustion every second.

A day where I just get to be happy.

A day where I don't have to bust my ass all day just to keep my life running.

A day where I don't feel irreparably broken.

I am barely functioning.

Working, momming and trying to have a life are just too much right now.

I feel like I am barely hanging on at work. And barely present at home.

My mind is always somewhere else.

Putting together a grocery list. Or managing our family calendar. Or booking Drs appointments. Or thinking about money. Or...

It is just so hard to be present and aware with so much swirling around you at all times. Let alone get a spare minute to yourself to relax.

I am at my limit.

No, I am past my limit.

I share times like this because I know that we all go through them. Many unspoken. And we beat ourselves up about them. And feel like failures for having feelings. But feelings are good. And letting them out is even better.

So, what about you? How are you feeling today?

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