Thursday, January 26, 2012

Postpartum My Eggo Update: Week 5

Things that have happened in the last week:
  1. While applying A + D ointment to The Cool Cucumber's peanut, ADD Daddy asked me if A + D stood for A** +D*ck. I replied, "I doubt it, but I think we should contact them about changing their slogan."
  2. While holding The Cucumber, I smelled something funky. I asked him if he was just farting or if he pooped his pants. ADD Daddy asked if I was talking to him. I repeated what I said and asked if he really thought I was talking to him. He replied, "Oh. I didn't hear the last part." Um. OK.
  3. I find, that no matter that we have 3,000 of them around the house, that I NEVER have a burp cloth when The Cucumber barfs everywhere. How is this even possible. Does it have something to do with the space-time continuum?
Postpartum tip of the week: Aquaphor works for mamas, too. Whether you have a bit of your own diaper rash from constantly wearing a pad or things are a little rough around the stitch area, slap some Aquaphor on it and call it a day. As I have said before, Aquaphor is awesome. I use it on diaper rash, burns, cuts, dry skin, pretty much any ailment a baby/mama can have of the skin.

Funniest Google search that led someone to I like beer and babies this week: thermomiter (sp) in pee hole. Um...ouch. It doesn't go there. It is bad enough that it sometimes goes in the butt.

11 comments:

  1. I found burp cloths to be too small to catch any actual puke. The surface area of baby barf was always much larger than what the burp cloth covered. I started using receiving blankets after my little ones out grew them which, lets face it those blankets are SMALL, was in like 3 weeks. Much bigger than the dinky burp cloths.

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  2. LOL at his peanut. I laugh every time now that I change my kid's diaper I ask him if he likes his peanut wiped and slathered in ointment.

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  3. Regarding the A+D: I have NO idea how that has never occurred to me nor my husband. That is awesome!

    Yesterday, I got a hit on my blog from the Google search "bathtime sucking d**k". I'm horrified... guess those bad parenting photos weren't such a good idea after all....

    You didn't ask, but I feel like throwing this tip out there for you just in case it might be something you would find to be useful. Two out of my three babies were horrid pukers. Like, we'd go through 10 bibs, 7 shirts for baby, 3 shirts for me and/or Dad, and 15 burp rags a day kind of puking. The best bib ever was this handmade one a friend passed on to me. It was basically a very large square of super thick and absorbent terry cloth type material with a neck hole cut out of one end and snaps sewn on. It was so big it basically went from chin to crotch, and side to side. Sound ugly? You bet. But it caught just about everything and I wish I had had 30 more of them. If you know someone who can sew, maybe hit them up. If you want a template for them, I could mail the one I have to you. And if this was one of those "I didn't want your unsolicited advice, shut the H up" situations, then please cyber punch me in the throat and accept my apologies.

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  4. Good idea, megan. Christie, peanut is much funnier than penis. End of story. Motherhood, you crack me up. I think I am switching to tarps soon...

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  5. Wow your blog is awesome! I'm glad I found it, and also glad I've made it through the first year! I'm from hardlyahousewifeblog.com.

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  6. Aquaphor is made of magic. I don't know what it is, but it cures everything that ails you.

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  7. OMG You are seriously hysterical!!!!!!!!

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  8. Every time I see a woman going through Babies R Us with a baby registry, I always want to stop her and say "Burp cloths. Buy more of them. Many more. And Bibs. You think you have enough bibs. Two little ten packs. No. You need more. Buy fifty. Perhaps 70, if you're a neatnick. Because you will be certain that he is spitting up more than he has ever ingested, and you will long for at least one piece of clean fabric in your home."

    We must've been so many times to the BRU and KMart for new bibs. And burpie cloths. There were times where I would just grab a shirt from the hamper to wipe him up with.

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  9. Love this! Aquaphor is angel goo that works miracles. And padded cloth diapers made the BEST burp clothes for us...lots of projectile baby spewing back in the day.

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  10. Found Aquaphor years ago and I use it for everything! It'll even get gum out of hair!

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  11. I am late (as in late in reading this, not pregnant - geez) and you are hilarious. I'm still giggling at #1 and #2 (not pee and poop, though based on this conversation, they might as well be!).

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I love hearing from you. It reinforces that writing this blog is not just a silly waste of my brain matter. If you leave a douche canoe comment, I will delete it. I am powerful like that.

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