Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Confessional

When I was about 6, I wanted contact lenses really bad. I was tired of wearing glasses and decided, at a school movie party, to take matters into my own hands. Being only 6, I thought that anything that looked like a contact would work. So, I took a popcorn kernel hull and stuck it in my eye. Bad move.

Sin from a fellow boozehound:
I once threw up in the bathroom at a house party and passed out on the floor with my leg fully extended to brace the door closed (because even when you're drunk, covered in vomit, and sprawled on the filthy floor of some bachelor pad bathroom, you never know what kind of perv might wander in and try something). I learned the next morning that, due to the fact that it was a one-bathroom apartment and I had barricaded myself in, the guys spent the rest of the night pissing out the window. I never did hear how the ladies managed. I don't know which is worse - the incident itself or that I'd forgotten about it until now. (ILBAB says: I love that you were passed out drunk in a pool of your own vomit yet still mindful of pervs. Way to protect your lady bits.)

The Confessional is now open. Have something you need to repent for? Feel free to send me your sin and I will help your purge your demons.

4 comments:

  1. My eye hurts just reading that!

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  2. OMG.........are we sisters? Because I did the same thing with the contacts. Except for the object was a plastic thing from a 3ring binder. OUCH and a trip to the emergency room.

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  3. BAAAAHAHAHAHA. I will have to wait til i think of something clever and unlodge it from the deep cavernous depths of my sordid past. But these were too funny not to laugh at first.

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  4. I use baby lotion when I'm too lazy to give the widgets a bath. They smell clean- that counts, right?

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I love hearing from you. It reinforces that writing this blog is not just a silly waste of my brain matter. If you leave a douche canoe comment, I will delete it. I am powerful like that.

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