Hey there Katiepoo. Congrats on your womb being filled with the fruits of Willie's loins. It must be some heavy shit holding in the heir to a throne and all. I mean, I was just holding in two babies that people would be all thrilled didn't end up spreading pixie dust on the Tilt-A-Whirl or barking for the yak woman, so I can't even imagine gestating the future king or queen of England. Dang.
Sorry to hear about your morning sickness, BTW. Just because you will literally be hurling at a gilded throne doesn't make tossing your cookies any easier. And having to launch your lunch all day and then have 50 million photogs stalking your every move when you just want to hit the A&P to get some Sprite and Goldfish crackers has to really blow. Do they even have Goldfish in jolly old E-town? If not, I am hella sorry, girl. That shit got me through the first trimester in both of my pregnancies. Hit me up with your addy and I will send some your way along with some two-buck chuck to celebrate with come d-day.
A few tips on staying graceful in the spotlight while your hips spread and your face bloats:
- Black. All Black. All the time. Seriously.
- Wear the crown everywhere you go from now on. People will be less likely to notice the Dorito stains on your shirt with that bling on your head.
- Always stand next to the queen when possible. Because damn will she make you look good in comparison.
- Get a lot of "future queen/king in training" t-shirts. Because no one else can pull that off without looking like a douche canoe.
Anywho. Congrats on the preggo, sorry your eggo is kind of starting out as a dick/bitch. My second did too and I know how many goat balls it sucks. Don't worry, it will get better. Or not. Either way, hang in there.
PS: I hope the baby gets your good looks. Though Wills used to be the hot one, Harry has totally taken that ball and ran with it while your hubs has gotten kind of long in the face. Don't worry, he was adorable up until five years ago, so I am sure all will be well…
The Beer Bitch