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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Three is the Magic Number

I have learned that with my toddler, three is the magic number. By this, I mean that in order to get her to do anything she doesn't want to or stop doing anything she does want to but isn't supposed to, I need to tell her three times, with increasing levels of intensity. It reminds me of my Mommy Tolerance Threshold. Whether it is asking her to pony up the cereal she found under the couch because it is time for dinner, or telling her to stop sticking the keys in the light socket, I can never get her to react on the first request.


1st try:
Me: Quiet Contemplator, it's time for bed. Let's put on your jammies. 
The Quiet Contemplator: Plays deaf and continues to build a robot out of Mega Bloks.

2nd try:
Me: Quiet Contemplator, I said it was time to put on your jammies so please come here. Now.
The Quiet Contemplator: Continues to play deaf and resumes her Bloks play, though she has now switched to building a doggie.

3rd try:
Me: QUIET CONTEMPLATOR! Put the fucking Bloks down and get your ass over here and in these jammies before I have an aneurysm! (I don't actually say this but MY GOD do I want to.)
What I really say is more like: QUIET CONTEMPLATOR. JAMMIES. NOW.
The Quiet Contemplator: Puts the Bloks down and slowly pads her way over to me like nothing happened.

Now, on the other hand, if I ask The Quiet Contemplator to do something she likes, like go to the park or eat a cupcake, she could hear that shit whispered from space.

These two qualities may have caused me to have a slight eye twitch and drinking problem.


  1. Oh my gosh... this is among the most frustrating things about kids! I'm like, do you WANT me to have to yell at you?? No Mommy. Then do it the FIRST FUCKING TIME I TELL YOU TO!!
    It makes me want to go rock in the corner while sucking my thumb and sobbing... WHY? Why won't you listen until I yell?? I don't want to be the type of mom who yells all the time! Whyyyyyy??
    I need a drink.

    Apparently my kids' selective stupidity starts at a much younger age than I had realized.

  3. Wait, so eventually they do listen? Because right now? I can say something five times and my toddler acts like I'm non-existent!

  4. LOL. I deal with this as well. My almost-three-year-old drives me completely batshit-crazy sometimes. Just thinking about this raises my blood pressure and makes me suddenly thirsty ;)

  5. Add in doing stupid shit (like peeling the paint off the wall and when I ask why, I get the deer in the headlights look. WHY? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK TO DO THIS??? It's such a f*ing stupid thing to do!) and it's an early bedtime and a bottle of wine. LOL So glad I'm not alone....

  6. Sometimes I start a sentence with "ice cream" to get him to listen (i.e. "Ice cream! Hey, it's time to brush your teeth."). It's like those signs that say, "SEX! Now that I've got your attention..."

  7. More times than the silent treatment, my toddler will tell me what she's doing, as if to say it is more important than what I'm asking her to do. It drives me absolutely crazy! She won't give me the satisfaction of just ignoring me.

  8. My two year old does that, and I say "if you don't do X, then Y" and lay out a consequence. Like, if you don't put your jammies on now, then we don't read a bed time story. (usually its one I hate, so its normally a win for me- ha!) If you can't stop touching the bicycles, I am going to put your blocks in the closet and you won't be able to play with them anymore. etc. It works... for that day.

  9. My dear, after 10 years screaming, whispering, yellig...son still try were are borders. Every each day again. Forget to come home from basket, forget what he learn...When I close his schoolbooks and go away, he knows it is gone too far. Not before. Arguments "if you don't do X, then I will not do Y" works sometimes. In others case just open bottle of beer and chill out. Have no other solution. Maybe in next 10 years :)


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