Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Toddler Inquisition


Why are you taking a shower? Why do I have to brush my teeth? Why is the sun hot? Where is my woobie? What are you doing? Why? Can I have some milk? Can I have some water? Where is the cat? Why is she in the basement? Why are you scratching your leg? Why did you get a mosquito bite? Why does it itch. Why is black? Why? Why? Why?

Seriously? Shut it before I call the adoption agency and inquire if there is a nice Amish family that wants to take you to the middle of nowhere where you can ask your incessant questions to a goat or something.

The questions are non-stop from sun-up to sun-down in our house. And all lines of questioning end the same way: with 362 repetitions of, "Why?" I think that my toddler's unending questions may one day lead me to commit harakiri (poor Harry Caray).


I love that The Quiet Contemplator is inquisitive. It shows she is all smart and stuff. But when I am trying to put on mascara while being assaulted with the Spanish Inquisition on why the cat poops in a box, I tend to get a little twitchy. Ok, really twitchy. And people tend to frown on you pouring a drink before 8 a.m. on a Tuesday.

I feel like Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction. Say "why" again. Say "why" again. I dare you. I double-dare you, motherfucker. Say "why" one more goddamn time.


If you share this post, I will buy you a pony. I suck at Twitter. I am OK at Facebook. Pinterest is my bitch. I am also on Bloglovin' and Instagram.

11 comments:

  1. Ugh, I know! Mine's doing this thing lately where he asks questions he already knows the answer to, or questions that make no god damned sense, such as, "Why is black?" He just loves the sound of his own voice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Both of those things make me want to punch a kitten.

      Delete
  2. It was during this stage that I began to consider the appropriateness of a kid muzzle. Wait, no, that was during the puts-every-damn-thing-in-the-mouth stage. The "why" stage was where I began to consider killing myself. That's right.
    I wish I could send you a case of Shaw to help get you through this stage. No, a case isn't enough. A truckload.

    ReplyDelete
  3. So funny and true!! The best part is now that mine are teenagers (which is worse, believe me) when they hear a younger kid doing the constant "why's" they get annoyed. Hahaha - cosmic joke on them for torturing me with it. I love when the next door neighbor 3 yr old comes over for an hour of "why's". Makes mine crazy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One day they will have their own set of "whys" and you can laugh your way out the door.

      Delete
  4. My brother was known as the why-why boy. My mum introduced him to books, as she has no idea how radar works!

    ReplyDelete
  5. My mom got so tired of me asking why (and I was old enough to remember - maybe 9 years old) that once when I asked her why there was construction equipment on the road she said, quite exasperated, "I don't KNOW, they didn't ASK me first!"

    I still remember being shocked that she didn't know everything. Up until that point I think she was making up answers as she went... <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This reminds me of national lampoons Xmas vacation. And why is the carpet all wet Todd? I don't KNOW Margot! Hahaha.

      Delete
  6. Be glad you didn't have a child like ME. I would ask "why.. xxxx" and then ask the same question... 2 weeks later to compare and see if the answer was the same. I incited my brother to ask similar questions, and we'd compare answers, and concluded that our mother was a liar.

    My mother really needed to drink more than she did.

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing from you. It reinforces that writing this blog is not just a silly waste of my brain matter. If you leave a douche canoe comment, I will delete it. I am powerful like that.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...