- We found out The Cool Cucumber's bottle nipples were clogged and he wasn't getting any milk. To fix the problem, we cleaned them, apparently a little too thoroughly. After the cleaning they were too stretched out and he was being drowned in milk. He went from famine to feast. His Goldilocks nipples arrived yesterday and he is much happier.
- The Cucumber will instantly calm down if you lay him on the bathroom counter and turn the blow dryer on. He now spends about 23 hours a day in the john. He spends the other hour eating.
- The other day, The Quiet Contemplator put one of her potty training stickers on her privates. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "I put it on my peanut." Um. OK. But you don't have a peanut. And even if you did, we don't put a sticker on it that reads, "A+ Good job!"
- I went to get The Contemplator after she woke up from her nap only to find that she had removed her diaper and peed and pooped in her crib. Sweet.
- I have now resorted to singing mean things to The Cucumber to vent my frustration. Que me singing, "Why are you still fucking crying when there is nothing wrong with you. I am going to give you up for adoption." in a sweet operatic soprano.
- After I pried some dried mystery object off the lid of the toilet, The Contemplator told me, "That's a booger." I asked, "Is it yours?" She replied, "Yeah." Good to know. Thanks.
- ADD Daddy and I went to the Ryan Adams concert. His singing Sweet Carolina with an acoustic guitar to a sold out crowd who was completely silent because of the amazingness was mind blowing.
- We went to the eye Dr for a follow-up visit for The Contemplator. We found out she will need strabismus surgery on her right eye in about six months. Boo.
Postpartum tip of the week: Do the baby tilt-a-whirl. This is an amazing tip to pry a burp out of a reluctant baby. Simply hold the baby to your chest and bend your body to the left, then right, then front, then back. Not only does it help get the gas out of the babe after a few rounds, but it is also a great core strength builder for mama. Bonus!
Funniest Google search that led someone to I like beer and babies this week: baby. like. porn. Yeah. I am not even touching this one.