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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

From Mexico, with Love

My trip to Cancun with Motherhood: A Descent into Madness was all that it was hyped up to be. There were speedboats, tequila shots, shirtless men, sunburns and even some Faceslurring (drunken Facebooking) twunking (drunken tweeting). Here is just a taste of what went down.

First, I picked her up from the airport in the Rambone.

We both made signs for each other. Because we are geeks.
We meet!

Then we went to get pedicures and had lunch (complete with booze, of course).

This is me in the store after we got pedicures. Note my stylin' shoes...

After lunch, I took Elizabeth to my house to meet the fam. I can't think of anything more awkward for her on the face of the earth but she was a rock star and The Quiet Contemplator loved her. We then went out for more drinks, followed by dinner.

Martinis! I have no idea why I look so drunk...

We called it a night early since we had to be at the airport at the buttcrack. Then, we were off to Mexico.

This was what happened our first day/night:

So pretty. The only problem is that it tastes like shit.
Free 24-hour access to beer and wine on tap = heaven on earth.
We relaxed on the beach.
And then got very drunk.
Surrounded by shirtless dudes.
And more shirtless dudes.
And it was very windy (and I look like Taylor Swift).
Seriously. Very windy.
And you can order a whole tray of booze at a time. FOR FREE!

This was what happened our second day/night:

Then we woke up to a Stage 4 hangover and this.
So we did this for breakfast, of course.
And some of this. Drink Malibu and milk. It tastes like a smile. You're welcome.
Then more of this.
With these dudes.
This is Chris. He woke up the next day with a broken nose. He doesn't know why.

This was what happened our third and final day/night:

So we were exhausted and wanted a break from non-stop drinking. So, to relax, we decided to book a self-guided speedboat tour to snorkel the reefs. Not my brightest idea.

Anyway. I am scared of snorkeling. It makes me feel claustrophobic. But I am also an idiot and glutton for punishment, so I did it anyway. Want to know what makes snorkeling in the open ocean even more scary? Starting shark week right before you go out in the open ocean to swim with...SHARKS! Yeah. That happened.

I paid $9 for eight tampons. Who said Mexico was cheap?
So we got our gear.
Suited up.
And took off for our dive.
I drove.
And got burned like a bitch.
The next day we got up, boarded a plane and went back to reality.

The end.

For more details on the debauchery, visit this post by Motherhood.

Our trip was booked by the lovely Amy at Destinations by Amy. You can also find her sharing travel tips on Facebook.

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