Image Map

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Mommy Tolerance Threshold Scale

I have found that I have a Mommy Tolerance Threshold Scale when it comes to bad behavior. Whether it is putting Cheerios in the toilet for the 20th time, or hitting the cat when I have said not to a million times, there are varying levels of annoyedness to my Mommy Scale and I can go from green to black in about five seconds. Enjoy, and please don’t call DCFS.

Level 1: (No Annoyance Rating)  
Oh, isn’t that cute.  
You are such a smart and precocious child. I am so proud of you. Everything you do just amazes me. (Insert puppy dogs, rainbows and unicorn farts here.)

Level 2: (Low Annoyance Rating) 
They are just testing boundaries because they are smart.   
Nothing to worry about. They are just exploring cause and effect and seeing how I react. If I yell at them, it will only discourage them.

Level 3: (Moderate Annoyance Rating) 
Honey, sweetie, please don’t do that.  
Sweetheart, I get your curiosity for new things, but what you are doing is getting on Mommy’s nerves just a bit. Let’s try some redirection, shall we?

Level 4: (High Annoyance Rating) 
DUDE, please don’t do that.   
OK, enough with this redirection crap. Mommy said no and Mommy meant no. Now knock it off before Mommy gets stabbity.

Level 5: (Very High Annoyance Rating)
 Seriously, knock it the f*ck off. 
Mommy has said no about 15 times now and you keep doing it. Have you had a stroke and gone deaf or something? What is wrong with you? STOP IT!


Level 6: (ABORT! ABORT!) 
ADD Daddy, take the wheel.   
ADD Daddy, take these kids. Now. Mommy is going to go drink until she can look at your faces again.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...