I have found that I have a Mommy Tolerance Threshold Scale when it comes to bad behavior. Whether it is putting Cheerios in the toilet for the 20th time, or hitting the cat when I have said not to a million times, there are varying levels of annoyedness to my Mommy Scale and I can go from green to black in about five seconds. Enjoy, and please don’t call DCFS.
Level 1: (No Annoyance Rating)
Oh, isn’t that cute.
are such a smart and precocious child. I am so proud of you.
Everything you do just amazes me. (Insert puppy dogs, rainbows and unicorn farts here.)
Level 2: (Low Annoyance Rating)
They are just testing boundaries because they are smart.
to worry about. They are just exploring cause and effect and seeing how I
react. If I yell at them, it will only discourage them.
Level 3: (Moderate Annoyance Rating)
Honey, sweetie, please don’t do that.
I get your curiosity for new things, but what you are doing is getting
on Mommy’s nerves just a bit. Let’s try some redirection, shall we?
Level 4: (High Annoyance Rating)
DUDE, please don’t do that.
OK, enough with this redirection crap. Mommy said no and Mommy meant no. Now knock it off before Mommy gets stabbity.
Level 5: (Very High Annoyance Rating)
Seriously, knock it the f*ck off.
has said no about 15 times now and you keep doing it. Have you had a
stroke and gone deaf or something? What is wrong with you? STOP IT!
Level 6: (ABORT! ABORT!)
ADD Daddy, take the wheel.
ADD Daddy, take these kids. Now. Mommy is going to go drink until she can look at your faces again.