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Monday, October 15, 2012

Mommy Mulligan

This weekend was a long one. For many reasons. We had too much to do, too little time with the kids and I was STILL sick with a fever (my monkey pox have now transformed into a sinus infection--bonus!). Needless to say, there were a few highs, but mostly this weekend felt like one big low. I felt like a slug who will never recover and have been on the verge of tears/a nervous breakdown for the last few days, including today.

Let's start with the highs, shall we:
Kim at Let Me Start By Saying threatened me with a shiv if I didn't get the balls to try red lips. So I did, for a friends wedding on Saturday. They helped distract from my overall monkey pox look of pasty white, clammy skin, and dark under eye circles. When I came out of the bathroom after applying the harlot red lip stain, The Quiet Contemplator looked at me and said, "Why you paint your mouth? I want you paint my mouth." Um..not for another 25 years, sweetheart. Anyway, my $3 tube of lipstick was a real spirit lifter and I highly recommend it. Thanks, Kim.

Needless to say, those red lips looked awesome wrapped around the fantastic red and white paper straws of the pre-ceremony bourbon cocktails.

And then there were the lows:
I felt horrible all weekend. Feverish, exhausted, head felt like it could explode at any minute, sinus headache, you name it. I was a real peach to be around when I wasn't drunk on bourbon cocktails.  Sunday was my all-time low. I was tired and crabby, sick for the 14th day in a row and just pissed off at the world. And I was a bad mommy.

Not in the I-fed-my-poor-children-non-organic-food-and-didn't-do-our-second-craft-of-the-day way. No, I was a mean mommy in the losing-my-shit-and-raising-my-voice-at-my-children's-every-move way. I was a bad parent. Even this morning.

When I went to check my temperature this morning and found that The Contemplator had changed the thermometer from Fahrenheit to Celsius, I lost it. Completely. I said things I instantly regretted. But the thing is? I am human. Though I felt like a hot pile of dog shit after it, shit happens.

Why do I share this horrible crap? Because none of us are perfect and I never aim to be. I do my best as a parent, but there will always be days where I feel like I need a mommy mulligan. We all do. And it is OK to grant yourself one every now and then.

Maybe next time we feel like like a crappy mom, we should give ourselves a minute in the bathroom, slap on a coat of red lipstick and move on. After you pour yourself a bourbon cocktail, of course.


  1. Feel better! It's hard to be a good mommy when feeling like crap. I've been there, snapping at little things that don't matter.

  2. Replies
    1. See! A great distraction from the monkey pox! Thanks.

    2. Your birdy dress & yellow accessories are ridiculously awesome. If only I had the funky flair to wear such an ensemble!

    3. Girl, If I can go red you can pull off old navy and cheap jewelry!

  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  4. I am going to create a "Break Glass In Case Of Emergency" first aid kit for my Bad Mommy days that will most definitely include Bourbon.

  5. thank you so much for this!!! i've been sick myself the past few days and spent a good portion of the day yesterday snapping at my kiddos, when clearly they weren't the ones who got me sick (what a minute. maybe they are!!). regardless, i felt like total poo after yelling, but am glad to get a mulligan!

  6. This is probably too long for a comment but I can't find a way to send you an email. First, thank you for being an honest mom. There is so much propoganda out there about how perfect moms must always be that I think it adds to normal people (who are also moms) depression.

    I am childless by choice and now I'm pushing 60. I don't regret my decision to not have my own children but I'm jealous of my friends' grandchildren. So, I've become the surrogate grandmother to the 3 year old little boy next door. His parents work nights and some weeks their schedule overlaps. On those nights, I go next door and spend the night at Alex's. He and I both benefit. I get to play grandma/Auntie Mame and he gets to sleep in his own bed at night.

    This has been a real learning experience for me. I get an upclose window into how much energy it takes to be present to a toddler. I'm not responsible for dishes, or groceries, or anything but Alex and I'm still tired by the time he goes to bed about 9 pm.

    All my old feminist rants are coming back alive. Our society must become loving and supportive of families. I don't say "more loving" because we are not loving at all. Parents trying to raise balanced and healthy children are the daily heroes. Because you all are so exhausted, I will intensify my political activities to advocate for women and children. (That's what I've been doing all these years instead of raising children.) The personal is the political. We have to have support for families as a national policy. In Canada, you don't pay tax ever on things bought for children, i.e. food, clothes, etc.

    Keep the faith and continue to be an awesome mom and writer. Hope you feel better soon.

    1. Thanks so much Cindy. Much needed right now. And thanks for fighting the good fight for us mommas who are just too damned tired to do what is needed. And thank you for being there for Alex, who you I am sure mean more to than you will ever know. And you can email me through my About Us tab at the top.

    2. Please come to the US. I could use an Aunt Mame like you. And thank you for understanding how tired we are!

  7. Thanks for this post, B and B-
    I had several days last week that had several moments like your Sunday moment. I know I won't soon forget when I lose my shit at the kids, but I'm hoping they do :)

  8. Your Sunday was my Saturday. I, at one point, lost my shit and yelled so loudly and so angrily at the boys to "STOP SCREAMING - I DON'T WANT TO F-ING HEAR IT!" that I didn't recognize my own voice. Then I thought about all of the windows that were open and how many neighbors just heard my raging and felt even worse. It was a special night.

    I really, really hope you're feeling better.

    1. My windows were also open and I was worried someone would call child protective sevices on me!

  9. Well you look gorgeous! And thanks, about to need a mulligan today.

  10. Dude, you look hott. Also. Love the yellow and red.

    People are so silly in their ideas of motherhood. Like we're freaking paragons because we grew people. Yes, we care more for our children than we do ourselves, in a way that's inexplicable before actually having kids. But our personalities didn't morph into Mary Poppins the second our children evacuated via vagina.

    Honesty is good. Keep on, yo.


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