Traitor Joe's

Yesterday at I had my first bad experience ever at the chain that I consider a gift from God filled with delicious cheeses, dark chocolate covered cherries and dirt-cheap, yet drinkable wine.

While checking out at Trader Joe’s, the 20-something cashier tilted her head and said to me, “Awww, how are you feeling?” Taken off guard I looked at her and said, “Fine. How are you?” The in hit me: 20-something thinks I am pregnant. Not only pregnant, but large-and-in-charge enough to comment on it. Not 100% sure this was the case, I continued to check out without punching her in the neck. Then she said to me, while holding my whole mini watermelon and one bag of groceries, “Are you sure you are OK? Do you need help out?” Me, “Um, no. I got it. Thanks.”

Though I managed to not start the revolution on her in the middle of a public place, I will now be burning the dress I was wearing and cutting back on the dark chocolate covered cherries. Damn you, devil cashier. I love Trader Joe's dark chocolate covered cherries almost as much as I love their $3 bottles of wine. F*ck it, maybe I will just drown my sorrows in cheap wine and expensive cherries. That aughta show her!

To leash, or not to leash. Is that really a question?

I work at a popular public attraction that affords me views into the dark side of parenting on a daily basis. The people-watching factor at my job is SPECTACULAR. You name ‘em, they visit.

One of my favorite sights to see is people with their kids on leashes. You know what I am talking about—the “backpacks” that pose as a cute little stuffed monkeys where the tail is actually a handle that can be used to yank back unruly children. Damn you, demon child! Stay away from that ice cream truck! YANK!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe that there is a place in the world for this space-aged technology. If I was, say, the mother to triplet boys and I was crazy enough to venture out into public with them by myself, its a sure bet I would harness those little beams of light up and yell MUSH! when it was time to hit Target. But when it is just me, my husband and our two kids, we somehow manage to handle them without leashing them.

So where do you stand on the “leashgate”?

Please don't pee on my herbs, young man.

So today I witnessed some awesomeness in parenting. While eating outside at a cafe, I saw a woman let her maybe 2 and 3-year-old boys pee in public. Not just in public, mind you, but on the actual herb garden that the restaurant used to supply spices for their food! Once they were "finished", they proceeded to walk over to their mother--who was busy on her cell phone, of course--with their pants around their ankles and still peeing. She said pull up your pants and continued her very important business meeting. Ca-lass-ay lady! What is wrong with this?

1. I prefer the only wiener that comes with my lunch to be of the proccessed meat form.
2. The children were all eating the food from the restaurant, which, should they return in the future, might actually contain their own urine.
3. Dude, you peed on an herb garden. If you want your pee to smell like asparagus, you eat it, not pee on it.

Thanks, classy lady. Your awesome display of parenting made me laugh and feel like a better parent all at the same time, though I won't be ordering anything with thyme in it in the near future.

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