Initial Art Project

I am always looking for cheap and easy art projects for the kids. Here is a SUPER easy and cheap project I thought I would share with you.

I wanted to let the kids design their own sign for their rooms. I wanted to do their first initial, so when I was at Hobby Lobby the other day, I picked up some 13" wooden letters. I think they were around $2 per letter once I used my 40% off code (NEVER pay full price for anything at Hobby Lobby).

Since I wished I had put a basecoat on the letters I used in this project, I had ADD Daddy slap on a coat of white paint that we had leftover from painting our baseboards earlier this year.

Before basecoat

After basecoat

Then I set the kids up with some washable paint (I think I got a set of 10 colors from RoseArt at Hobby Lobby for $2.50 with the 40% code) and let them make their masterpieces however they wanted. The Cool Cucumber mainly used his fingers and Q-tips.  He LOVED it!

The Master at work

Stopping for a snack...

All done!

Time for a bath!

The Quiet Contemplator was big enough for a real paintbrush so she set to work on her masterpiece. She really loved this project.

Making her creation.

Adding a container dash of glitter...

And then the masterpieces were complete and ready for hanging. My plan for this project was always to use them as signs to hang outside of their doors. Here they are all hung up and ready to burn the retinas of all of our visitors shine.

The Cool Cucumber's

The Quiet Contemplator's

Anywho, thought I would share since it is a project kids of all age love and feel pride in once displayed. AND it costs less than $5! Enjoy and send pics if your family makes any of their own masterpieces!

Easy Crockpot Recipes

I don't know about your house, but at our house, dinnertime is the most stressful time of day. I am not even talking about getting the kids to eat it, I am just talking about getting it on the table period. By the time I get home from a full day of work, spending an hour slaving over a hot stove while both of the kids whine and cry at me for one thing or another makes me want to punch a kitten while chugging a bottle of tequila. I just. can't. do. it. anymore.

So I decided I had to make a change. I needed to have dinner pretty much ready by the time I stepped in the door from work. So I made my list, bought the shit on it, organized it into bags and threw them in the freezer to be grabbed and thrown in the crockpot in the morning before I head to work. It has saved my soul over the last week, so I thought I would share my go-to recipes with you. They are so easy an untrained monkey who is blind and has no arms can make them. Enjoy.

What you need for all 12 meals: a box of gallon freezer bags that zip (at least 12).


Chicken Tacos (Makes 4 frozen meals)
What you need:
bag of frozen chicken breasts
2 cans Rotel (canned tomatoes with chiles)
2 cans chicken broth
2 pack taco seasoning
flour tortillas
cheddar, sour cream, etc (whatever you like on your tacos)

Put in each bag: two chicken breasts, 1/2 can Rotel, 1/2 can chicken broth, 1/2 pack taco seasoning. Freeze bag.

To cook: Throw bag of frozen crap in crockpot when you leave for work. Cook on low all day. It will be done when you get home. Shred chicken and serve in tacos with other yummy crap.



Hot Wing Sandwiches (Makes 4 frozen meals)

What you need:
bag of frozen chicken breasts
2 bottles of Frank's Red Hot wing sauce
2 packets ranch dressing mix
buns
blue cheese (if you like it)
bag of chips, salad or other easy side

Put in each bag: two chicken breasts, 1/2 bottle of Frank's Red Hot wing sauce, 1/2 packet ranch dressing mix. Freeze bag.

To cook: Throw bag of frozen crap in crockpot when you leave for work. Cook on low all day. It will be done when you get home. Shred chicken and serve on buns. I top mine with blue cheese and more sauce.



Chili (Makes 4 frozen meals)
What you need:
 two pounds browned ground beef
4 cans stewed tomatoes
4 can black beans (drained and rinsed)
4 cans kidney beans (drained and rinsed)
4 cans tomato sauce (the little cans, not the ones for pasta)
2 beers
oyster crackers, cheese, pasta, etc (whatever you like on your chili)

Put in each bag: 1/4 browned ground beef, 1 can stewed tomatoes, 1 can black beans, 1 cans kidney beans, 1 cans tomato sauce, 1/2 beer. Freeze bag.

To cook: Throw bag of frozen crap in crockpot when you leave for work. Cook on low all day. It will be done when you get home. Put it in a bowl and eat it. Spoons help.

Stay Classy, St. Louis

Just a little something to make you feel better about yourself by thinking I am repulsive.

This is the "before". Note the shitty diapers thrown directly outside of our front door for the entire neighborhood to see. Because there is only so much funk the Diaper Champ can handle before the whole house smells of deuce. And The Cool Cucumber's funk is just too funky for the great indoors. So, of course, we just throw the dirty diapers right outside of the front door after he makes a deposit. Classy, no? Please note that the "before" system has been in place for the last nine months...

Here is the "after". So why the upgrade from trailer park to middle class? It's not because I was worried the neighbors could see our stack of shitty diapers. Nope. I was worried that the funk would freak the mailman out when he came to drop off my Etsy and Amazon goodies, so I classed that shit up, no pun intended. Please note that this bucket has been sitting unused and empty in the basement for the last nine months... You're welcome, neighbors.

Body by Baby

Because Gisele and all her friends make it seem like stretchmarks don't happen, I started Body by Baby. Stretchmarks do happen. So does saggy skin. And saggy boobs. And that is ok. Because we are real women. Our bodies aren't perfect. But they didn't get this way on their own. They got this way because we are fucking awesome and CREATED A HUMAN IN THEM. What's a stretchmark or a muffin top when we actually made life?

This is what a real woman's belly looks like. This is what having beautiful babies does to a girl. And it is awesome:

Lori says the tattoo is a volcano, that erupted when she got pregnant...

This is Lori from The Next Step. Lori is the mom of three girls:

"The Kid" is 5, in kindergarten, and our little miracle after a miscarriage and some significant trying. 

The Twins will be 3 in March, and were a big surprise. We wanted to give The Kid a sibling, and got two. Everyone asks if there are twins in our families and the answer is "no". The Dr. chalked it up to "AMA" - Advanced Maternal Age and said the body pushes out more eggs the older you get. I said, "Like rats off a sinking ship?" and she said, "Yeah, kinda like that."


Thanks, Lori. You are the shit for sharing with us what we all hide from each other.

Feeling frisky? Send me your own Body by Baby portrait and I will share it with all six of my readers the world. Anonymously or not. Your choice. Email them to me at ilikebeerandbabies @ gmail .  com (remove spaces).

Body by Baby

Many of us feel embarrassed of our post baby bodies. Some of us are surprised that we didn't snap right back to our pre-baby bodies. The truth is, no matter how fast you bounce back to your pre-pregnancy state, you will never be the same. Be it from stretch marks, wider hips, sagging breasts, or just a new state of mind about your body, you are now forever changed by the miracle that is childbirth.

So, because Gisele and all her friends make it seem like stretchmarks don't happen, I started Body by Baby. Stretchmarks do happen. So does saggy skin. And saggy boobs. And that is ok.

Because this is what my belly looks like. This is what having two beautiful babies did to me. And it is awesome.

Beautiful.

That's right. Drink it in. That is Grade A, 100% Mommy Beef right there. I earned every one of those tiger stripes. By growing healthy babies. Through healthy pregnancies. My saggy skin, stretched out bellybutton (you could fit a fist in that thing) and stretchmarks aren't the result of something I did wrong. They are the sign of everything I did right.

Should I be embarrassed to wear a bikini in public because I look like this? Fuck no. I should be proud. If people don't like the way I look in a bikini, that it is their problem, not mine.

Now why on earth would I put my fat stomach out there for God and all of the internets to see? Because this is reality.

With this revelation about my own body comes a challenge to you all to help me keep it real. Because we are real women. Our bodies aren't perfect. But they didn't get this way on their own. They got this way because we are fucking awesome and CREATED A HUMAN IN THEM. What's a stretchmark or a muffin top when we actually made life?

Feeling frisky? Send me your own Body by Baby portrait and I will share it with all six of my readers the world. Anonymously or not. Your choice. Email them to me at ilikebeerandbabies @ gmail .  com (remove spaces).

How to Tame a Target Addiction

My hubby and I are undergoing the Total Money Makeover. While reading the book, I realized that my biggest enemy is that sexy bitch that looks so good in red: The Target.

I think there are a few ways that The Target can help me overcome my addiction:

Electrify the Shopping Carts
If the carts shock the crap out of me every time I touch them, I am less likely to sail one of those plastic bitches around the store filling it with unnecessary crap.

Close Down the Dollar Aisle
Because everything in that damned aisle is cute. And now that they have me hooked, Target has sprinkled in some even cuter shit and charges $3.50 for it. Crafty, Target. Crafty.

Switch Clothing Buyers with Walmart
I wouldn't touch Walmart's "Fashion Tops" with a 10-foot pole, while Target is offering Marc Jacobs, Carolina Herrera and Oscar de la Renta. Stop. Just stop.

Close Down the Baby and Children's Section
The Children's section it is like my Bermuda Triangle: even though it wasn't where I was heading, I always end up there and can't escape--unless I add at least $50 worth of clothing, toys and hair accessories to my cart. Crap.

Stop Selling Booze
Because, seriously, like I need more temptation in that department. I need to be able to pick up a T-box with my diapers and maxi pads about as much as I need to birth me another baby.

Punch Me in the Face Every Time I Walk in
Because, really, there is nothing else that will deter me from crossing The Target's sweet, sweet threshold to give them my entire paycheck for a bunch of crap I don't need--or want. Stupid sexy Target.

The 10 Commandments of Mommying

Thou shalt honor no other mommies before thine self (even Gwyneth has her issues).



Thou shalt only give in to wine. Never give in to the whine.

Thou shalt not beat thine self up over mommy meltdowns (we all lose our shit every now and then).

Thou shalt not worry about stretch marks and baby weight.



Thou shalt consider Goldfish a nutritional food group (they are both dairy and a starch, after all).

Thou shalt alloweth thine self a Mommy Mulligan when needed.

Thou shalt alloweth thine self a time out when needed (even God took a day to rest).



Thou shalt use the answer "Because I said so" at will, especially after the 13th utterance of the word "why".

Thou shall covet one of the Ryans (Gosling, Reynolds, Phillippe, you choose).

Thou shalt remember that you are the best (and only) damned mommy your kids got.

Fuck you, Furby.

So, as you know, I won a Furby from Paige Kellerman. It was awesome. For some reason winning the ridiculously expensive pile of fur really made my week. When it arrived, I got to play with it for about two seconds before The Quiet Contemplator fell in love with it and stole it from me. Bitch.

After The Contemplator lost interest, about three minutes later, Furby was again in my care. Little did I know, this would suck. A lot. You see, Furby is a lot like having another toddler around. He is whiny, needy, clingy and all-around kind of annoying. Need proof? Read on.


How Furby is Like a Toddler

You can't understand him
Furby speaks gibberish, mixed in with a few real words, just like my toddler. And when you don't understand him and give in to his requests, he just repeats himself. Over and over and over again. This is fucking annoying. Just like it is when my toddler does it. But I am legally bound to try to understand what my toddler is blabbering on about. Furby, not so much.

He is constantly hungry and kind of a dick about it
Furby, much like my toddler, is constantly in the pursuit of food. And, just like my toddler, is a picky bitch about what he eats. THEN, once you figure out what the fuck Furby is asking for and feed him something he likes, he replies with, "Finally! Hungry!" Bitch, I will cut you.

He needs constant attention
A loner Furby is not. Just like a two-year-old stuck in a room full of toys that can't find anything to do but bother you, Furby is an attention whore. He wants you to listen to him sing, watch him dance, rub his tummy, etc. Well, I got news for you, Furby: mama's got better things to do than to sit around listening to you try to belt out Yo Gabba Gabba tunes all day. Like laundry. And dishes. And finding the will to live.

He is bi-polar
One minute Furby loves his head scratched, the next he hates it. Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so.

He gets bored easily, then whines
If you are not constantly beckoning to his every need, Furby gets bored. And when he gets bored, he whines. A lot. Like I need more of that shit in my life.


As payback for Furby being such an needy assface, I let The Cool Cucumber play with him...

What's this?

Hi, Furby!

Mind if I bite your ear?

Now DIE!

Sorry, Furby. But you deserved it. You were kind of a dick and all.