Monday, March 2, 2015

The time I lost my daughter. AT FROZEN ON ICE!

SOOOO I lost my daughter yesterday. AT FROZEN ON ICE! Needless to say, I aged about 20 years in the amount of time it took me to find her. But let's start from the beginning, shall we?

For Christmas, my wonderful brother-in-law (BIL) bought the kids tickets to Disney's Frozen on Ice. Because what better things does a fit, good looking, 20-something gay man have better to do on a Sunday than take two kids to a crowded arena and watch ice dancing for two hours? Needless to say, he is a saint. Because I figured handling all of this on my own would make me want to punch a kitten, let alone someone who wasn't legally responsible for my kids', I told my BIL I would tag along and help out. So, of course, it is ME who loses one of them...

It all started out well. Both kids were freaking LOVIN' it. My son literally sat in silence, mouth agape, for the first hour of the show. I think his tiny baby mind might have short circuited when Buzz and Woody came out (that's what she said).

Then the show announced intermission. My daughter said she was hungry and had to potty so I took her while my BIL stayed with the boy. Again, my BIL is a saint.

Once we exited the arena to the complete and utter shitshow that is intermission at Frozen on Ice, we waited in the longest line ever for the bathroom. It moved quickly though, and then the clouds parted and the sounds of angels filled the restroom when the first stall to open when it was our turn was the big stall. BOOYAH! I literally said, "Sweet, we scored the big potty!" The lady exiting with her daughter said, "Heck yeah. Score!" We must share a spirit animal or something. I was even happier when we were exiting and the people to gain access to the VIP potty after us were a grandma and her two grandkids. You enjoy that extra elbow room with your bad self, grannie!

After the bathroom, we headed to the concession stand. Right as the words, "And they have pretzels" came out of my mouth, the lady at the counter yelled, "We are all out of pretzels" to the crowd. Douche. After some tough negotiations due to the stand's lack of popcorn or pretzels, my daughter and I settled on nachos for the her and chicken strips and fries for the boy. I threw in two $5 waters just because we hydrate like ballers in out family, yo.

After I forked over half of the kids' college funds, the lady put all of our goods on the counter, followed by the news that they can't let us have the lids to our water bottles. Um, what? So the concession stand lady gives me a plate of nachos with a side of cheese that is precariously close to overflowing and spilling everywhere, a basket of chicken fingers and fries, two water bottles with no lids, and two cups for water. I look down at my daughter who REALLY wants to hold the nachos but I know this will end with someone bumping into her and her spilling them. I realize that I am going to have to carry everything. So I manage to get everything in my arms with my daughter in tow so we can go get ketchup and napkins across the way. Because hell hath no fury like my son with no ketchup.

I tell my daughter to follow me and she tags along. I sit the stuff down, add two squirts of ketchup, grab some napkins, pick all the stuff back up and turn around to tell my daughter to follow me.

But she is not there.




I frantically search the crowd for the only girl not wearing teal (thank you fucking Jesus she decided to go with the pink princess dress!).


I circle around the area.


At this point I am freaking the fuck out.

I have absolutely no idea of what to do.

Where do I even begin?

I am scared to death someone has taken her or that she is just lost and really scared.

I keep scanning the crowd in the little area we were in but she is not there.

Maybe 30 seconds pass and she emerges from the hallway where you walk into the venue.

My heart starts to beat again.

She went straight when I went right for the ketchup. She was maybe out of my sight for a minute but it seemed like years. I completely panicked. I lost it.

After we regrouped, we went back in and she enjoyed the rest of the show while I tried to remember how to breathe again.

Needless to say, I need to develop a protocol with my kids of what to do when one of them gets lost.

Oh yeah, and never EVER go to Frozen on Ice again!


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