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Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The Confessional

For the confessional, all the ways Abby was a shitty mom yesterday:

My daughter's daycare said she needed diapers. I remembered to throw them in the car, but they did not make it from my car to her room. When I picked her up, she was wearing a random diaper that was the wrong size (she is a size 4 despite being almost 3. All the kids in her class that still wear diapers are size 5. So I have the double punch of her not being potty trained at almost 3 and being underweight).

I had to work late last night. She was at daycare from 6:30 am to 5:45 pm. So much for 8-year-old me swearing up and down to my mother that I would never let my kids stay in daycare all day like I was stuck doing.

I used ice cream to bribe her into eating more of her eggs and cauliflower (scrambled eggs and those microwave bagged steamed veggies being the extent of my culinary skills). Then I dropped the amount she had to eat to get her ice cream. Yes, I negotiated with a 2-year-old. And she got the better of the exchange.

When I gave her a drumstick (the ice cream kind) she complained about the nuts. I picked them off by hand, forgetting to wash my hands first after putting dirty dishes away first.

I left her up in the living room to watch Dora while I cleaned the kitchen.

When her dad came home at 7 from work, I left her and locked myself in my room to do some work I brought home.

I'm off the pill and we are actively trying for another. After a day like yesterday I really wonder what kind of even shittier mom I would be with two kids.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
 
 
ILBAB says: First off, girl, did you really email me from a Hotmail address? I thought those things had went the way of the dinosaurs.

Second off, that sounds like a winning parenting day to me. I ALWAYS forget the damn diapers at daycare. ALWAYS. And it isn't like you left her chained to a radiator all day. PLUS you got her to eat protein, vegetables AND dairy. Then you got the house cleaned, helped her brush up on her Spanish and gave her some daddy-daughter bonding time. I suggest you have at least five more for the betterment of society. You rock this parenting thing. Keep up the good work, mama.


The Confessional is now open. Have something you need to repent for? Feel free to send me your sin and I will help your purge your demons.   

If you share this post, I will buy you a pony. I suck at Twitter. I am OK at Facebook. Pinterest is my bitch. I am also on Bloglovin' and Instagram.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Because nothing is cuter than a pooping baby

Happy Monday, Boozehounds. Enjoy this clip of my friend's baby dropping a deuce. Pooping babies make me giggle.

video

If you share this post, I will buy you a pony. I suck at Twitter. I am OK at Facebook. Pinterest is my bitch. I am also on Bloglovin' and Instagram.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Tips for New Fathers


If you share this post, I will buy you a pony. I suck at Twitter. I am OK at Facebook. Pinterest is my bitch. I am also on Bloglovin' and Instagram.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Frozen meets What Does the Fox Say

We found this video and then my daughter's head exploded. You're welcome. And I am sorry.



If you share this post, I will buy you a pony. I suck at Twitter. I am OK at Facebook. Pinterest is my bitch. I am also on Bloglovin' and Instagram.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

What I am getting my husband for Father's Day

If you haven't figured it out by now from reading my nonsense, I am just going to spell it out for you: my whole family is a bit...off. I am about to provide further evidence of that by what I am getting ADD Daddy for Father's Day.

 First off is the customized card:

Don't be trying to steal my man, ladies...
Get it? Mother fucker...

Wow, this photo really deserves a post of its own to tell it's story, but for now, let's just say that this picture of my husband has provided hours of entertainment for our friends. To me, it just proves how awesome my husband is for letting me use it on our 'merica party 4th of July party invitation.


woof.

This shirt is a nod to my husband's love for, and similarity in character to, Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Best. Show. Ever.


Dude. This.

I bought this flask as a tribute to the reason's my husband would need a flask in the first place: his amazing and adorable children who drive him to drink. How freaking awesome is this?


Okayest. Ha.

And last but not least, this coffee cup is a tip of the hat to one of my husband's favorite photographers-turned-authors, Dave Engledow.

For these and more awesome Father's Day gift ideas, check out Zazzle. They are a great go-to for gifts for any occasion. Honest.

If you share this post, I will buy you a pony. I suck at Twitter. I am OK at Facebook. Pinterest is my bitch. I am also on Bloglovin' and Instagram.

This post was sponsored by Zazzle but you Boozehounds know I would NEVAH EVAH subject you to anything I didn't think was amazeballs on my own. For realzies. 
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