Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Things I Want to Teach My Son


 We all know the posts about what we want to teach our sons. Love, dance, stop and smell the flowers, etc. That is all fine and good, but I need my son to learn a few more lessons that are a little less puppy dogs and rainbows and a little more true-to-life. Such as:


Cigarettes are gross.

Herpes and babies are forever. Use protection.

Treat women like ladies, but remember they are just as smart as men.

If you become a father, act like a man. It is not a woman's job to raise your children.

It is also not a woman's job to wash the skid marks out of your underwear or vacuum the living room.

Don't be a dick. Remember that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Don't be afraid to express your feelings. They only make you stronger.

Don't let anyone make you feel like you aren't good enough.

Never think you are better than anyone else.

Don't judge those you don't know.

Never bully those you feel are weaker than you.

Cigarettes are gross.

Don't act like you care about someone just so you can have sex with them.

Remember to look up from your phone/computer/television screen every once in a while.

Don't be afraid to show your weaknesses.

Treat women the way you would want other men to treat your sister.

Think before you speak. Diarrhea of the mouth runs in the family.

Funny Baby Ecard: Son, you need to think before you speak. Diarrhea of the mouth runs in the family.

Use your vacation time. They give it to you for a reason.

Remember to say, "I love you." But only if you mean it.

Opening doors for a lady isn't old fashioned. It is just good manners.

Say please and thank you. They will take you far in life.

It is OK to smoke a joint or two, but anything harder than that is going to end badly. Trust me.

Seriously, cigarettes are gross.

14 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree more with all of this. Especially the one about the women raising the children. There's nothing sexier than the man the helps raise the kids.

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  2. Can your son be the one that my daughter ends up with??

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  3. ...also - I can't seem to find your email link but yesterday I gave you a Liebster Award, which contrary to what it seems like is actually legit and NOT a chain-letter type of deal. Huh. Go figure. Maybe you already got one ages ago...but I'm loving your blog so you were one of my picks! Play along if you want...here's the link to the post - http://www.youremyfavoritetoday.blogspot.com/2012/10/mama-always-said-i-was-winner.html

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  4. She couldn't find an email address either. Maybe you should check and make it more visible. I've tried several times and couldn't find it. I wanted to tell you that I printed out the potty training post and took it to my neighbor.

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    1. That's awesome! Thanks, Cindy!

      As for email, it is on the About Us page. If you hover over Contact Me, it will pop up directly. Plus I added the address there, you just have to remove the spaces. If I put the actual address together I get spam like it is going out of style!

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  5. Ha! I love all of these. What great advice.

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  6. I had to share this on Facebook. I freaking love this.

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  7. Other families have Diarrhea of the Mouth too?
    Where's our nonprofit organization? Our Walk for the Cure?

    Bahhaha I hate when my husband throws around dilf. I'M the one who had her youth siphoned away! Lol

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    1. We can call it A Team to Cure SHIT. (Saying horrible inappropriate things.

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  8. Love it! I have 2 sons and I agree 100%!!!

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I love hearing from you. It reinforces that writing this blog is not just a silly waste of my brain matter. If you leave a douche canoe comment, I will delete it. I am powerful like that.